


The Funeral of Hearts

by venomousxkiss



Category: HIM (Band), Viva La Bam RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:13:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6883048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venomousxkiss/pseuds/venomousxkiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was supposed to be the best day of his life. Yet he couldn't stop thinking that he was about to make the worst mistake of his life instead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Funeral of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> The song I used is 'The Funeral of Hearts' by HIM. Enjoy!

# The Funeral of Hearts

  
_She was the sun shining upon the tomb_  
_Of your hopes and dreams so frail_  
_He was the moon painting you_  
_With its glow so vulnerable and pale_  
  
  
"So we go now," Jess said, looking at his brother who nodded approvingly. The three men, Jess, Ville and Novak, had been helping Bam relax and dress up for the wedding for all morning, but it was getting closer and closer to the point when Bam was supposed to be waiting for his girl at the altar.

"Hey Ville, you coming?" Novak asked, wondering why the man had barely said a word while the rest of them had laughed and joked around, being all lighthearted and humorous about the millionaire getting married. Ville went to follow them but Bam stopped him before he could leave the room.

"Could you help me with this tie?" he asked Ville with a thick voice, pained expression that no one else seemed to notice flashing on his face.

"Of course," Ville muttered, coming to a halt. He waited until Jess and Novak had left, shutting the door behind them, and finally turned to face Bam, looking anywhere but in his eyes.

He stepped closer, focusing his gaze on the tie. He took his time making sure the knot was perfect, unconsciously lingering close to the man longer than necessary. He could see the Adam’s apple move up and back down as the man in front of him swallowed. He found himself copying the gesture, but finding it hard due to the lump in his throat.

He straightened the tie, the back of his slightly shaking hand lingering on the smooth fabric that was covering Bam's chest, trying not to think of how handsome Bam looked in the suit.  
  
  
_She was the wind carrying in all the troubles_  
_And fears you've for years tried to forget_  
_He was the fire restless and wild_  
_And you were like a moth to that flame_  
  
  
He only realized that the other man was leaning towards him when their faces were just about inches apart. He felt the hot breath caress his face, sending shivers up his spine. He wet his dry lips, quickly glancing at the dark sapphire eyes so close to his own emerald ones before pulling back and letting go of the tie he had been clutching in his fist. He wanted so badly to give in, to let Bam kiss him, but he absolutely couldn't. It would only hurt more, to be reminded of what he couldn’t have.

"Ville, please. I need you," the man pleaded almost desperately, reaching for him.

"No Bammie. You..." he stopped to fill his lungs with air, suddenly finding the simple task difficult. It hurt like hell but there was nothing he could do to ease the pain. It was gradually getting harder to breathe. "You're getting married!" he spit the words out of his mouth, turning his back to Bam. Not too long after did he feel the strong arms around his shoulders, trapping him in place. He wanted to cry.

  
_Love's the funeral of hearts_  
_And an ode for cruelty_  
_When angels cry blood_  
_On flowers of evil in bloom_

  


"Breathe," Bam whispered into his ear, squeezing him just a little tighter in his arms, and nuzzled him where the neck meets the shoulder. He knew Bam could feel the quickened pounding of the heart in his chest through the clothes separating them as he tried to do just so. "I don't want you to have an asthma attack,” the man added against his sensitive skin.

He closed his eyes, the feeling of the strong arms wrapped around his torso nearly killing him, breath coming out in quick pants no matter how he tried to slow it down, knowing full well that this was the last time he and Bam would ever touch each other like this. Bam would be a married man from now on, and he would have to accept it. The feeling, however, would be buried deep in his heart, it would be there with all the millions of other similar memories, haunting him at the lonely hours of the night when he lay in his bed alone, missing the other man like no other.

When he realized he was now gasping for air did he finally focus on breathing. He took a deep breath and held it for three seconds, then exhaled. He repeated it until it slowly got easier to breathe, and until he was sure his racing heart wouldn't explode, after all.

He lifted his own hand, sliding it down the sleeve of Bam's jacket until it met the warm hand at the end of it. He went to free himself from the grasp, willing to put some space between them, when he felt something cold beneath his palm. He knew right away what it was – it was a reminder of how wrong these feelings were at this moment of time. He traced the lines of the diamond ring with his fingertips as he spoke softly.

"This is not right," he whispered not trusting in his voice, lacing their fingers together and snuggling closer to Bam who was slowly stroking his chest with his free hand. He felt the soft, wet lips pressed against the skin at the nape of his neck as he tried so hard not to break down.

"You're supposed to be waiting for her at the end of the aisle in five minutes," he uttered sadly, the words barely audible, knowing that he couldn't have the man to himself no matter how much he wanted to. It was out of his hands, it wasn't his decision to make. It was too late to change a thing. He could only watch from afar and witness it go wrong.

  
_The funeral of hearts_  
_And a plea for mercy_  
_When love is a gun_  
_Separating me from you_

  


Bam breathed in his scent and released him, only to turn him around. As soon as Ville realized he was now facing the other man, the arms were back in their place, holding him even more tightly than before. He clung to Bam as he was being lifted up, and without hesitation he wrapped his legs around the man like so many times before. It felt so familiar, so right. But then how could it have been so dreadfully wrong at the same?

"I know. This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life," Bam reminded, mostly to himself, sorrow visible in his eyes as he sat down on the armchair with Ville in his lap, and continued with a hoarse voice, "but yet I can't stop thinking that this is the worst fucking mistake I’ve ever made."

Ville leaned against Bam's chest, wanting nothing more than to beg the other man to stop this ridiculousness while he still could. But he didn't say a word because he knew that she needed him, now more than ever with the bump in her belly. She loved him as much as he did, and he knew Bam hadn't asked her marry him for nothing. As bad as he hurt, as much as his heart bled and his mind screamed, he couldn't be as selfish as to steal another woman's man on her wedding day, or to steal a dad from an unborn, innocent baby.

  
_The heretic seal beyond divine_  
_A prayer to a God who's deaf and blind_  
_The last rites for souls on fire_  
_Three little words and a question why_

  


Ville hid his face in Bam's hair, fighting back the tears that were threatening to fall. "I love you," he whispered in too small voice to reach Bam's ears – it wasn't allowed to say those words aloud. It was easier to pretend they could be just friends when the words remained unspoken, or that’s what they told to themselves, at least.

"Promise me you won't forget me," Ville lifted his head to look at the other man in the eyes. Bam's thumb found his lower lip, caressing it ever so softly. Only now did he notice the tears glimmering in the other man’s eyes, too. But they never fell, they had to be strong.

"I could never forget you," Bam leaned in so that their foreheads were touching, never giving up on tracing the lines of Ville's lips with his fingertip, and locked eyes with him.

"I... You have to go now," Ville stated, unwilling to let go, lowering his gaze at last when there was a knock on the door. They both knew that the time had come. It was time to let go.

"I wish it didn't have to be like this," Bam whispered, hesitantly and unwillingly pulling his hand back to himself.

"Me too..." Ville finally stood up and helped the other man up, too. He hugged Bam once more before turning to walk away, only to be stopped by Bam's voice again.

"Where are you going?" the man asked in bewilderment, frowning at him.

"I can't stay, Bam. I thought I could be your best man but I guess we found out I was wrong."

With those words Ville left the room, leaving the other man behind. Somehow Bam knew they wouldn't see each other for a long time, maybe even for the rest of his life. He didn't try to stop him, though, because he perfectly understood why he couldn't stay.

Had it been the other way around, he wouldn't have been able to pretend to be happy for him, either.

Bam followed Ville to the hallway where his brother was waiting for him. Ville disappeared from his view and suddenly he collapsed to the floor, gasping for air and crying his eyes off. It hurt. It hurt so much.  


**Author's Note:**

> It'll make my day if you leave a comment, but thank you for reading anyway!


End file.
